Jaynellemoe’s Weblog

So…today I did everything in my power to not touch my geography folder..and I must say, I have been quite successful, thanks to the wonderful world of bittorrent, blogs and facebook. Whilst wandering around Facebook, I came across this birthday quiz, which tells you about your personality and stuff based on the day of your birth. Snazzy.

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May 13th, 1990

Lucky Color: Crimson
Personality Strengths: Optimism, Bravery
Personality Weaknesses: Sarcasm
Successful Career Path: Academia
Sense of Humor Style: Raunchy

Description: You are a complete paradox as a person – innocent, yet experienced; fragile, yet strong on the inside; normal, yet unique; creative, yet organized; optimistic, yet realistic! Certainly a very interesting person – you possess several qualities that people often thought were mutually exclusive.

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Usually, I keep the applications I play with hidden, but having read this over and over again, I’m surprised by how connected I feel to the results. I mean, I myself have described myself (hm, awkward repetition) as a “walking contradiction”, so to see something else, albeit a preprogrammed application, directing the same analysis at me is jarring, yet also…strangely freeing.

Frustration. Fear. Failure.

I’m getting frustrated fearing failure.

You know those Armageddon-type, ah-zombie-uprising, omg-its-time-to-quarantine-half-the-population, omg-life-as-we-know-it-is-over movies?

My favourite. genre. ever.

I mean honestly, if I used all the hours I spent rewatching ‘Day after Tomorrow’ doing something else – say learning how to cook or something – I would be quite the master chef, rather than the slacker and master-of-all-lackluster-skills that I am now.

Anyway, what I’m coming around to is that…I have a strange fascination with living life and living it before everything ends. I’m constantly questioning myself about what I want out of it, and that’s perhaps why I’m so anal about where I want to go and what I want to do. For almost 18 years, it’s like I’ve been walking around, repeatedly bumping into walls already weathered by my imprint…actually, 18 years is probably an exaggeration, because I would say I had quite a wholesome childhood, you know, shooting at escaped crickets with bb guns, sleeping in trunks of cars and the like. Now, I’m just constantly fantasizing about being some kick-ass heroine who stops the world from imploding, having a secret ninja life or a vampire boyfriend or something equally implausible.

It’s actually pretty hilarious thinking about how my actual life would look like if it were translated onto the big screen. No doubt it would be one of the huge box office flops. You know, those movies with one, maybe two settings, with people sitting around a table talking philosophy? Perhaps something like Lost in Translation, which was a god awful movie, with the dullest of pallets and the most drone-tastic script. Probably wouldn’t break the bank though, seeing as how most of the movie would just consist of me walking from my room to my computer several times a day.

For all I boast about how I’ll become a free spirit and how I’ll never accept a 9-to-5 job, on a scale of I’ve-conquered-the-world-and-can-die-happy-now to holy-hell-i-suck-at-life, I’m probably tipping off the edge of sucking at life into the abyss of well..having none.

Boo.

So, I suppose on the first post, people usually write about why they started their blog in the first place – the traditional first post as it were.

People don’t just randomly decide to create one because they’re bored. As for me, I’ve always told myself I would start a blog. When? I didn’t know. I always put it off because there never seemed to be any moment significant enough to make me want to want to run off and record it in detail. But then again, that lack of enthusiasm might just have been my laziness.

I used to have a Xanga way back when Xangas were all the rage. I still have one, but with all the posts under private. They hold all the throwaway thoughts and little moments I had until I was about 15, all the tween rants about all the petty tween dramas. Humiliating as they are to read, I wouldn’t think of deleting the account. So, there (www.xanga.com/trezix) sits, teasing me with its bank of embarrassing knowledge, whilst I, masochist that I am, decide its time to build up yet another tool of mockery.